Cascades of tears (the good kind)

After I walked with Gail yesterday I sat in my apartment thinking about how to start my evening. I looked across at the front door of the shul and saw that some men were gathering, hoping to have a minyan (10 adult Jewish men, in this case) to start the evening service. So I put myself together and crossed the street.

Although less than 10 men arrived, and this means there was no formal service, the men who prayed in the tiny sanctuary welcomed me to join them. I don't know the prayer book very well, and after all these years of dealing with little kids the prospect of holding a prayer book is, well, just not where I'm at.

So I sat in the back behind the mechitzah (a room divider of some sort that separates then men from the women during the service) and prepared to meditate. Much to my surprise, and I guess quite related to the fact that prayers were going on around me, I started to cry. Many tears had been stuck inside of me for quite some time, so once the flow began I let it carry me. In a few short minutes I had cried really hard and you could tell from looking at my face.

Funny thing is, after I stopped crying I felt so refreshed - so much so that I'll do that again, maybe even t0night. As I was leaving the building I said to the rabbi, "Wow, that was so intense!" and he smiled at me, told me he was glad to see me at minyan, and off I went.

Being in the company of friends, being inside the shul building while prayer is happening, it makes me feel safe and comfortable.