Still hasn't hit me

Because today I had to awaken to an alarm so Avi could be up in time for his orthodontist appointment. I left soon after he did because I worked in Mill Valley today, then came home for a quick nap, and now I am waiting for him to finish another appointment.

Tomorrow morning, however, I plan to sleep in until I awaken on my own, then read the newspaper from cover to cover, and I don't have to be anywhere until 11.

My skin is red and hot and itchy where the radiation treatment was given. I have a 1 lb. tub of hydrocortisone cream, I think I'm 1/3 through it by now. At least my skin won't be getting any worse, it will only get better.

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about breast reconstruction. Before any treatment started I met with Ben Hornik, the plastic surgeon at Kaiser in Oakland. Considering how hysterical I was at that time, I'm not surprised that I forgot to ask A LOT of questions. I guess I'd better make an appointment to see him again.

When we met he told me that I'd better not lose too much weight. I am now 10 lbs. up from that weight, and I am continually losing (on purpose), so I need to know when to stop. As he told me, my natural breast will grow or shrink with my weight changing, but my faux breast will not change size.

I saw a friend last weekend who had a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction. She's a heavier woman than I, and she was told that she had too much tummy for the procedure that I plan to have. How much is too little, how much is too much? Hmmm

I'm tired a lot, I hate to take naps during the day, but when I don't take a nap I barely make it through the evening. When I awaken from a nap I'm crabby, and if I don't allow myself time to un-crab, then I'm just a plain ol' bitch for the rest of the day.