The boys' first week with me

They just went back to their dad tonight. I also just figured out why my computer wasn't providing access to the internet. I somehow fixed it (actually I think I even remember how) so I am back on daily.

My disability payments just ended. I am going to contact my doctor and see about having an extension. If not then I will be working more, but not always schlepping so far away.

OK, so how did the week go? Well, I adored having the boys close by. They were comfortable in their beds, on the sofa, in the kitchen, everything felt cozy. Not having cable TV (long story, it gets installed tomorrow) was trying for both kids. I've tried to keep them busy, and many walks were taken, most of which included Bella. Speaking of which, Bella was hysterical trying to get settled in. Poor dear thing, she has no idea of what's going on. I will be spending some evenings walking with Kelly and her crazy dog who acts like he'll bite your foot but only wants to be petted.

I am remembering how many people have suggested that I stay active as much as I can in order to fight the fatigue which is part and parcel of radiation treatment. I am really moving around a lot, and I think I will make plans on Saturday afternoon to walk to visit someone.

Anyway, Heshy seems to be having a much harder time of it than Avi. He is vocalizing constantly . . . and if you know Heshy you know he loves to talk. Now when he has nothing to say or it's just quiet, he'll make noises with his mouth or hum or something like that, ALL THE TIME. I don't think he has a great deal of control over it. I had a check-in with his therapist and told him all about it.

Here's how I feel about being here: There is nowhere I'd rather be. I miss the kids and wish I could see them everyday, of course, but the time apart is not painful. This feels like home to me.

This Shabbat will be my first alone. I wonder what I'll do about dinner, and I guess I have to say kiddush (the prayer over the wine) myself. It doesn't feel bad to say, actually. It might turn out to be quite wonderful.