The picture changes

I just got an email from Veronica, my surgeon, who explained that since she's recommending radiation therapy after mastectomy it will limit my options on reconstruction. Well, slap me across the face. I have written back asking about what that means: will it be reconstruction later or NO reconstruction at all. Not quite what I've been expecting, and for me emotionally this is an enormous setback. Funny thing is that I'd just written to Mike, my oncologist, to ask about how it all fits together, wondering what to expect.

It's one thing continuing on with my life with a new breast which may look fine under clothing and weird without. It's altogether something else to have a breast on one side and nothing on the other, I can't even think about.

I'm starting to hyperventilate and tear up, this is not good. Yes, I'll be halfway through chemo tomorrow at this time, which is good. But being the organized person that I am I thought I had it all figured out. Stupid me for reading up on things, now my whole plan is up in the air and I'm hysterical.