A full day in 3 counties

I worked in Marin this morning, then drove into the City to get Avi. I also was looking for dolma for Ginna, and I was lucky enough to find them for (get this) $6.79 a can, which has 65 dolma in it, and they're kosher, too! I bought two for her and then decided to stop by the Sberlos, where I used to work, and told them about the great dolma deal.

I picked up Avi when classes let out at his school in the City at 1:45, we drove home, Heshy was brought back from where he went after school, and now I'm taking Avi to the therapist. Lots of driving.

I am walking around with an ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach about everything that's going on. It's a familiar feeling from early childhood - I feel guilty, like everything that's wrong is somehow my fault.

The feeling stays with me all day from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep. And every time I eat anything at all my stomach tells me it's not happy.

I'm sure this nasty feeling makes my face bad too. I find it takes a lot more effort than usual to smile, and as much as I am looking forward to being on my own, it also scares the shit out of me. So many things to buy and move, so many decisions to make.

I am looking at an apt early this evening right across (literally) from my synagogue. So close you could holler and be heard! It's a little cheaper, certainly in a better neighborhood, and I hope I like it. I still have the right of first refusal on the apartment I've mentioned so many times, that hasn't changed, but I keep looking. My excellent credit report will certainly help.

Oy, my head is filled with all of this, I've taken to writing copious notes just to be able to keep track.