Blue mood

Today I worked in Mill Valley for a few hours then took myself to the movies. I figure that the people-germs will be much reduced if there are very few people in the theater.

I saw 'Brokeback Mountain' and I'm still sad. The part that got me the most was how, when they saw each other for the first time in years, they couldn't stop kissing each other. That passion, and after so long apart. What a beautiful, if flawed, love story.

Tomorrow I will start Taxol, and I'm mighty shaken up by the thought of having to give up all my preconceptions about the side effects of chemo. Even though I have survived relatively unscathed from 4 A/C (the drug pair I got) infusions, those rules are no longer valid. Taxol effects the body differently, and I have no idea whatsoever how they will appear for me. Marshall is working on Sunday and Monday. I asked him to make arrangements for the boys, but he said, 'You'll be OK.' My response was that I really have no idea how I will be. There are folks who will take one or both of them on a last minute basis, and that, it appears, is what Marshall has decided we need to do.

I guess I understand his approach - there's no reason to make other plans until we're sure we NEED to make other plans. Maybe I'll feel relatively well and can manage. We'll have to see. One more thing to worry about is managing the boys (really, Avi is fine, but Heshy, well . . . let's just say that Heshy is the kind of kid who needs a lot of supervision).

Liz, my Thursday evening walker, is coming over tonight and I plan to make good use of the time, both as gentle exercise and important conversation.

I will not write on Friday before chemo, and hopefully I'll feel well enough to write again for the sabbath begins.

Pray for ease.