It sure was dark early tonight

I guess the time change hits everyone hard. Heshy's party was fun, but I couldn't participate fully - I feel just enough sick that I want to stay in bed. Plus the stress adds to that, I suppose.

Anxiety, stress, irritability, headache - it's all part of the package. Try as I might, my joie de vivre is nowhere in sight. Perhaps after meeting Dr. O'Neal on Tuesday there will be less worry. So many questions - what's the stage? How about an oncologist, chemo, more surgery, maybe mastectomy? A full report can only help. But those statistics, now they're even to scare anyone to death.

A new lump that was discovered 2 weeks ago today has not gone away - it's under my arm, solid and worrisome. I must tell Dr. O'Neal about that too.

Kids should not have to worry about their mother. My kids are worrying, which makes me wonder how they'll feel if I am much worse before I get better. Assuming I get better.

No one can really tell if the symptoms I am feeling are related to the cancer inside of me. A virus my body is fighting? All in my head? So why have I felt this way consistently for weeks now?

Tomorrow morning I will head to work at the butt crack of dawn (thank you, Emma, for that phrase) and work all day. Though I've missed only one week of yoga I feel as if I've been away for months. Monday night is yoga, then home, fed and into bed. Tuesday I'll take the kids where they're going, have a nice breakfast, then meet Dr. O'Neal.

The detailed nature of my work will keep my mind off the big elephant in the room. And yoga will help me find my center - if it's still hiding I'll keep looking anyway.

As I was heading up a nearby street during Heshy's party to set up one of the activities, I suddenly heard sounds I could not identify. Looking up I noticed a group of birds - don't ask me what kind of birds, I haven't a clue - taking flight. It was the flapping of their wings that got my attention. I watched as they moved together, round and round above my head in unison, six times exactly, before they flew away.