Anxious about the next two weeks

I found myself breathing too fast, a sign that an anxiety attack is lurking, so I sat myself down (who am I kidding, I'm almost always in bed anyway) and read myself the riot act. As much as I'm bitching and moaning about the pain from Taxol and the fact that my oncologist played down the pain part, it's ridiculous to think there was a way around Taxol. It is necessary and unpleasant, but I'm a toughie, I can handle it. The pain meds work somewhat, nothing got rid of the pain altogether except IV morphine when I was in the hospital overnight.

But if Mike, my oncologist, had told me the worst case scenario, would I have said 'no thanks'? No, I don't think I would have done anything differently, except perhaps to have obtained pain meds ahead of time.

Avi pointed out to me today that I haven't mentioned the fact that both my boys have been home from school all week (and will be tomorrow) because they are sick. Just sick enough to miss school and nap during the day, not so sick that they have to see a doctor, although I am thinking that someone should listen to Heshy's lungs tomorrow. Because they are sick and still running a small fever, I've had to keep my distance from them. I really do think I mentioned this before - being in isolation.

I got outside today by myself to run a couple of errands and stock up on cannabis cookies for the next two weeks. It's a really beautiful day, and I think I appreciate it more than most people anyway, so since I've been sick I cherish the day even more.

Oy, last chemo tomorrow, deep breathing now. In two weeks I should be much better, and then, G-d willing, no more chemo.